Wherever You Are Is Where You Begin
Wherever you are is where you begin.
Right here. Right now.
Never mind how you’ve tried it before, done it before, been there before.
You are here. Now. Standing in this present moment.
While this may be an easy concept to accept abstractly, it is not as easy to embrace when we are attempting to do something we used to be so good at.
I used to be a cyclist. I took daily rides of 10-15 miles along the canals, to city parks. I easily pedaled 35-50 miles every Saturday, touring the stretches of farmland on the outskirts of Phoenix. I even did a 2-day, 150 mile ride to California as a fundraiser for MS.
When I think of those long rides, I forget that when I first started, it was a huge accomplishment to ride just one mile around my own neighborhood.
I forget that it took months for me to build up my physical and mental strength and endurance to ride long distances.
It’s been more than 20 years since I was that long distance rider. In fact, my bike has been tucked into a corner, gathering cobwebs for the last year. But when I think about riding, I remember how free I can feel pedaling in the breeze, how strong my body can be, balanced and self-propelling me.
And I want to feel that again.
And I know I have to start where I am.
The keys to building strength and endurance with any new activity are consistency, frequency and increasing the level of activity each time.
It’s also important to be patient, gentle and realistic with your progress.
And it helps a lot to hold a vision of yourself already accomplishing what is it that you are just beginning.
I got my bike tuned up and steam cleaned. I bought a bike computer so I can see how many minutes and how many miles I ride each time. I am setting do-able goals, increasing the time and distance of my ride every couple of days.
And I am holding a picture of myself, pedaling strong and easy over new terrain, confident in the saddle, smiling into the breeze.
What do YOU want to get better at?
Exercise? Cooking? Self-Care? The same principles apply, no matter what new activity or mindset you are working with.
You just begin where you are.
Begin with how you are.
You just begin.
[ssba]Permission to Dream
I had dinner the other night with a friend who, for several years, and many reasons, has stayed in an unfulfilling marriage.
But now, she is taking the steps toward divorce.
While she knows it is the best choice for her, she is freaking out about the future.
How will she support herself?
How is she going to live?
What will her life be like if she is not married?
And when she asks these questions, there is so much panic and anxiety in her voice that she freezes.
I suggested she change the intonation of her questions so that they are more like open-ended wonderings that don’t require immediate answers.
I asked her what her dream life might look like twelve months from now.
Without hesitation, she began to describe a cozy house and she would paint all the walls whatever colors she wanted. Her whole face lit up as she shared her dream of this community house filled with books and space for people to just come and hang out.
And then she stopped. But it’s not practical, she said.
And I asked her, Does it have to be practical right now?
My friend doesn’t anticipate being on her own for another 6-12 months. And so, I suggested, maybe she doesn’t NEED to be practical right now.
I suggested that this time right NOW could be an opportunity to begin to dream, to imagine all kinds of possibilities for herself in this new life. I offered that she could simply entertain her joyful imaginings so that the space opens up for what she might really want to create for herself. And that, eventually, that imaginings would reveal something practical.
You mean, give myself permission to dream? she asked.
And she realized it had been so long since she had.
When was the last time you gave yourself permission to dream?
Is there something that keeps you stuck in practicality?Would you be willing to open up to what might be possible beyond practical?
Do you even have dreams?
Please share by clicking on the Comments below.
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[ssba]A Weekend in the Pines
Marika, Mabel and I spent last weekend at a friend’s cabin out of the heat of the desert. What a gift to drive two short hours north and be surrounded by tall, sweet pines, where the daytime temperature peaks in the mid-80’s and at night, it’s cool enough, with the windows open, to pull a blanket over my shoulders.
We arrived in the dark on Friday night, unpacked, made the bed and went to sleep soon after. In the morning, Marika took Mabel for a walk along the forest trail while I lounged in bed, happy to see all of the trees through the windows.
After coffee and breakfast on the deck, I took Mabel for a short neighborhood walk but the 6500 feet altitude was hard on this sea-level gal’s lungs and I when we got back I had to take a nap.
But the air was clear and crisp and even a little moist when the afternoon clouds gathered in with a promise of rain. We heard some far off thunder rolls, but the storm missed us.
We spent a lot of time just sitting on the deck, talking, not talking, watching the trees for birds. Nuthatches, chickadees and Stellar Jays flitted from branch to branch. We watched an acorn woodpecker pull insulation from a four inch hole in the side of the neighbor’s house. Ravens grawked overhead and a turkey vulture circled high above the trees.
I didn’t have my laptop with me so I couldn’t do any real work. A first for me. To just sit and enjoy the sounds and smells of where I was.
We did drive into town, population 2100 when everyone is there. There was a gas station, a restaurant, the Motel in the Pines, and a real estate office. Across the highway was a second restaurant and gas station, a small thrift store and the Saturday Farmer’s Market, which was really a craft fair with two food trucks.
Marika waited in the car with Mabel while I looked around. I chatted with two jewelry sellers and bought us a cup of dairy free mango sherbet, but the sun was high and it was warm, even in the shade.
We drove through the sleepy streets to find the small Lake Odell, hoping to see some more birds along the shore, but there were several families fishing and playing at the only parking area, so we kept driving. We took a short leash-free forest walk, but it was getting too warm so we headed back to the cabin.
We spent the afternoon on the deck, me writing and drawing, Mabel curled on the outdoor carpet and Marika scanning the trees for an elusive American goldfinch. She did see a red faced warbler, a first for her. She tried to get it to come back by playing its call on her iBird app.
I took the cushion from the broken chaise lounge and laid down on the deck to do my gentle yoga stretches. A cool, piney breeze blew across us.
We did nothing else. And that was everything. To just sit and be and say thank you.
[ssba]An Old Dream Becomes New Again
Me, Marika and Mabel having a love fest
Two years ago this week I was pulling out of Marika’s driveway in the RV with Laddy, heading to the California coast.
The dream was to move to CA, find a house to rent, continue doing the same Mac training work and enjoy the climate and the weather as I built a new life. And maybe Marika would join me in a year or two.
A friend recently reminded me that dreams are fluid. They are not frozen in time exactly as we originally imagine them. Our dreams are always shifting, changing, seeking their own level, like water.
As you know, that original dream morphed and changed many times, and I discovered that I enjoyed the simpler, smaller, spontaneous life of living in my motorhome. I made trips back to Phoenix to visit family, clients, and adventure with Marika.
Somewhere in those adventures, we rekindled our deep love and, in January, we celebrated and recommitted to our 25 year partnership.
Which is why I’m still in Phoenix in the middle of a Very Hot Summer. Yes, it is partly because my back is still healing. But it’s also because, for the first time in many years, Marika and I are really enjoying living together and being a family. And together, we are imagining a new dream. Instead of getting things in place for her to move to CA, we’re working towards traveling full-time in a slightly bigger RV in a few years.
That’s been my dream for a long time – to travel the country’s back roads, explore small towns, meet people. But I didn’t want to do it alone. Rather, I wanted to do it with Marika. But she wasn’t ready and I was tired of waiting.
I had to let go of that dream in order to forge forward with my own dream. And now, what a complete surprise that this old dream is new again.
As for my back, I’m about 90% there. I’m doing more of everything: I’m in the pool three times a day, playing many rounds of kickball with Mabel, I’m driving, shopping, sitting with clients. I even rode my bike last week for fifteen minutes. I loved it, but I was pretty sore afterwards. Some of that was from pedaling with my hardly-used-in-five-months muscles. But there was also a deeper achiness that didn’t feel very good.
So I laid down on some ice and most of it subsided. Still, I get sore after a lot of activity and, if I don’t rest, it turns into stabs and sharpness, and then it takes longer to feel better.
I am learning to stop sooner, finding yet another place in my life to explore the balance between not enough and too much.
I saw the surgeon last week, just to complete the Western Medicine Plan of Patient Care, and he said the disks are still stacked on top of each other and that it’s going to take more time to get back to 100%.
Which I already knew.
He said I should be ecstatic that I am feeling 90% and he advised me to continue to take it easy in my body—no lifting, no twisting, no bending. No exercising beyond walking and swimming in the pool. Which means holding off on biking and only doing very gentle stretches when I am on my yoga mat. My energy healer-voodoo man reminds me to focus on my heart, to heal and strengthen from the heart and the rest of my body will find its place.
So that’s what I’m doing: getting strong in my body and keeping my heart open like a magnet, to attract people and energy and work that I love.
I’m planning to go back to the beach in mid-September, after my Dad’s 84th birthday and just in time to bring in the Jewish New Year.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be bringing Mabel with me. She’d have the joys of being a dog at the beach, Marika wouldn’t feel guilty leaving her alone during her long working days and, when Marika wanted to come visit us, she could just hop on a quick plane and be there in a couple of hours.
Meanwhile, I’m practicing awareness and gratitude, appreciating where I am and all that is.
And I’m seeing, once again, that we can never know how our dreams will manifest. But I’m believing more and more, that, when we let go of our tight hold on them, they are guaranteed to transform into something bigger even more amazing than we could have ever imagined.
Does this happen with your dreams and plans too? Please share with me and my readers by clicking on the comments below!
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[ssba]From Impossible to I’m Possible, Really
“Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
~ unknown
Nothing is impossible.
An idea may seem challenging. Difficult. Hard to fathom.
But it is not impossible.
Often, what we believe is impossible is really someone else’s voice telling us we can’t be it, do it, have it.
But what if, for one moment, we imagined that we could. What if, for one moment, we heard a different voice that says it might, in fact, be possible.
Shifting our thoughts, trying on this new belief as possibility, changes everything. It says that YES, we could, YES, we might, YES, we can!
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.”
~ Tony Robbins
It is so easy to just say a thing is too hard, too bizarre, too ridiculous to even consider trying.
But what if you did?
Isn’t that how some of our greatest inventions came to be? Isn’t that how we landed on the moon? Isn’t that how some of our poorest children end up being some of the brightest stars in our society?
Several years ago I applied for a position as a Director of Creativity. I absolutely LOVED the job title and description. But I did not have the required teaching experience or the preferred degree in art or counseling.
But I applied anyway, playing up my successful entrepreneurial experiences and showcasing the creative activities and events that I had coordinated. And I got a phone interview. And then I was able to really sell myself, my personality, and all that I could bring to the position. And I was called back as one of the three finalists for the final interview.
No, I didn’t get the job, but I did start referring to myself as my own Director of Creativity. And I’ve since incorporated much of that job’s description into the work that I do with Spark the Heart.
What seems impossible for you?
Are you wanting that great job but you don’t have the “right degree” or the “required” experience? How ELSE can you approach the situation? What ELSE do you bring to the table?
How can you begin to believe that it might actually be possible?
“…Alice laughed. ‘There’s not use trying,’ she said: ‘one can’t believe impossible things.’
‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
~ Lewis Carroll
Please share your thoughts by clicking on Comments below!
[ssba]Opening to the Unexpected
I love stepping back from myself. It gives me perspective. It minimizes self-judgment and helps me see my patterns and habits more objectively.
When I take a step back and imagine that I am talking to myself as if I am my own best friend, I am gentler, kinder and so much more forgiving with myself. And it is easier to see how my behavior may not really be serving me.
I’m finding that, the more I become an observer of myself, the more flexible I become, the more willing I am to try new things and open to the unexpected.
Several months ago, my coach and I were talking about the power of our thoughts and intentions, and she shared a Prayer for Unexpected Income with me. She said that, when we open ourselves to new money, that new money will come.
So I tried it.
I read the prayer, out loud, and envisioned checks arriving in my mailbox.
And nothing happened.
A few weeks ago I found the prayer again. I read it out loud again, several times a day. But this time I didn’t conjure any particular image of how that money would arrive. I simply opened to the IDEA of unexpected income.
The next day (yes, really!) I got a call from a client, asking if I could come to her house that day, just an hour from the time that she called.
My first reaction was, Hey, I’m busy. My clients need to book my time in advance.
And then I stepped back from my reaction and realized that this was, in fact, an opportunity to receive some unexpected income.
But I had to first be willing to be unexpected with my response.
In that moment I realized that, if we want new and unexpected income/adventures/ fill-in-your-own blank to come to us, we must be willing to be new and unexpected with our own selves.
Yes, I called the client and yes, we had a wonderful session and yes, I made money that day that I hadn’t expected.
But more important, I shifted my response. I opened to a new way of thinking. I surprised myself with my own unexpected behavior.
So, how can you open to the unexpected? How can you shift your expectations?
How can step back and allow yourself to say YES to a new way of being?
~~~~~~~~
Here’s the Prayer for Unexpected Income, if you want to try it. It’s a modification of a religious science prayer.
It is meant to be said three times a day or more. It is intended to be said with the inclusion of a group so that, as you say it, you’ll be invoking good for the others in the group.
Feel free to change any language that isn’t comfortable for you. But most important, you need to be ready to accept what comes, however it shows up, and that may mean that some other unexpected opportunities will present themselves as well.
Prayer for Unexpected Income
I know that the Universe is the source of all supply, and money is the Universe in action.
I know my good is now freely flowing to me so bountifully I cannot use it all, and that I have an abundance to spare and to share, today, and always.
I expect “Unexpected Income!”
I know the Universe is now giving this to me and I accept this as Truth and I’m grateful.
All channels of financial supply are now open to me and I am richly, bountifully and beautifully prospered in every good way.
I know that true Prosperity includes true health, true wealth and true happiness.
This word, which I speak in faith, believing, now activates the law of increased universal good for me and I expect to see rich results now!
I visualize the financial good I expect. I see it coming to me richly and abundantly. I claim and accept it for myself now.
I am grateful in advance! I bless all the good I now have, and bless the increase.
I bless each person in this program. I know we are now all prospering together in every good way, and share the good we receive.
I now freely open my heart and give generously. My giving makes me abundant.
The Universe gives to me rich, lavish financial blessings now!
I’d love to hear your what happens. Just click on the Comments button below.
[ssba]Beginner’s Mind
In Zen Buddhism, Beginner’s Mind refers to “having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would.” (Wikipedia)
Children are a perfect example of living in Beginner’s Mind. They approach every new experience with curiosity and wonder. They have no experience, no expectations. They just show up and try.
As adults, even when we know we are learning something that we don’t know, or attempting to do something we’ve never done, we expect to immediately be good at it.
Often, that expectation of perfection and competence butts up against the deeper knowing that we WON’T be immediately good at it, and so we don’t even make the effort.
How often, as an adult, do you allow yourself to be in a position where you know you won’t be a master? Where you let yourself be taught, encouraged, and allowed to make mistakes? Where you give it your best without having to be perfect?
Several years ago I took a figure drawing class. I had never taken any kind of art class before and had no experience drawing. But I needed to learn about body proportions for some life-sized paper maché figures I wanted to create.
The teacher talked about negative space and movement and I carefully made pencil lines on my newsprint paper. I was easily frustrated, quick to get cranky, and I cried often during the first few lessons because I just couldn’t translate what I saw onto the paper.
And yet I loved the idea of this new way of seeing the human body. So I stuck with it. By the end of the eight weeks, my hand and eyes were making the connection and I even signed up for a second class.
A few years later I wanted to play the cello. The desire seemed to come out of nowhere, but it was a strong calling, so I pursued it. I rented a cello, found a teacher at a local music store and had a lesson every Friday afternoon for an hour.
I had played the alto saxophone and the oboe, both wind instruments, in high school. The cello, a large string instrument, requires the left hand to do one thing while the right hand does another. And the notes are on a completely different staff. I had no idea.
I struggled with the coordination and the foreign scales, transposing the notes from the familiar treble clef to the bass clef. My teacher encouraged me as I squeaked my bow across the strings and finally, I could hear myself improving.
A dislocated finger forced me stop playing after almost a year of lessons, and I actually missed the challenge of getting good at something new.
I remember writing on my I WANT list the year before:
I want to learn something I’ve never done before, even though I know I won’t be very good at it.
I wrote this, KNOWING the uncomfortableness of being a beginner. But also knowing that there is great freedom in being a beginner.
Because you don’t HAVE to know. You don’t have to be brilliant. In fact, you are expected to not be very good.
What if you tried something you’ve never done before and greeted that unknowing, that newness, that imperfection, with curiosity and wonder, without any preconceived expectations of your abilities.
What would you attempt?
Would you bake a peach pie?
Take painting lessons?
Learn how to play a musical instrument?
What if you approached your entire life with Beginner’s Mind?
Please share your ideas by clicking on the Comments below!
[ssba]Too Quiet To Think
It’s too quiet to think!
This is what so many of my clients tell me when I ask them to sit in stillness.
They are uncomfortable. Fidgety. There is nothing to distract them from the silence. Even with all of the scattered thoughts running through their minds, it becomes too quiet to think.
And this is exactly where I am hoping they get.
Because sometimes we need to just STOP THINKING.
Sometimes we need to stop trying to figure things out, stop planning every moment and just BE with our feelings. BE with the void of thought. BE in that sacred space where our deeper knowing can begin speak to us.
I remember one of the first times I sat in a group, practicing meditation. We were listening to a CD of a woman asking us to sit still and just notice everything we thought, felt, imagined, but not stay with any one thought.
She wanted us to let our thoughts float past us, making room for whatever came next. And through it all, she wanted us to be still. Even if we had an itch, we should try not scratch it.
Of course, I immediately felt a tickle on my ear, then under my nose, and all I could focus on was NOT moving, NOT scratching, just BEING still.
And it worked. Several moments passed when I realized that I had, in fact, stopped thinking.
Today, many years later, I love the times when I can sit in stillness and not think.
Thinking is work. Thinking is heavy brain mojo. Thinking can easily become a full-time, over-time job.
But watching my thoughts, detached from them, is peaceful. I don’t have to DO anything about them or with them. I can just notice them and let them go.
And now, after many years of practice, there are often big expanses of space between the thoughts where there is absolutely nothing crowding my mind.
And it is in those empty spaces that a completely new idea will appear, glowing and important, and it fills that silent space with a loud new voice.
This is where creativity lives. This is where our hearts speak. This is where our dreams are born.
So why not try it.
Find a quiet space in your day and just sit for five minutes. You may want to set a timer, otherwise you’ll think you’re done after only 30 seconds.
Just sit and notice your thoughts without getting stuck on any particular idea. Just notice and then let it go. Like clouds in the sky.
Practice this every day and, I promise, it will get easier and less uncomfortable.
Like anything we do, it is the practice, the repeating of a new activity or thought or non-thought, that builds our strength and stamina and brings us to the new level we desire.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can post them below by clicking on the Comments.
[ssba]How Driving At Night Prepares You For Life
“It’s like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”
E. L. Doctorow said this about writing, but it’s really about anything in life. You have to trust that things will be revealed as you move forward toward a goal, that there will always be enough light to see what’s in front of you.
But it takes so much courage to step into that unknown, that darkness, to move into that place of not knowing, fully aware that you have no idea what lies ahead.
But you also know that, if you stay where you are, waiting for all of the information, you may never take a single step.
Change happens with one next step in the direction of your desire. Just one, single, full-of-faith movement into the darkness.
Maybe it is making a phone call for more information about a class, or saying hello to a person you’ve had a faraway crush on. Maybe it is sitting down at your keyboard and writing the first sentence.
Just begin.
Take a deep breath and start from where you are.
Take one next step at a time into the darkness.
You can live your whole life this way.
[ssba]Remembering Summer
Ah summer.
The days are long, stretched out in light and heat and possibilities. Especially when you are a kid. For most of us, summer was the best part of the year–no school, playing all day, maybe even going on a family trip.
Even if we didn’t have the ideal childhood, summer offered us a kind of escape. We could disappear into a book or the swimming pool or a favorite hiding place and just be with our own imagination for a while.
Often, remembering those childhood summers can trigger a forgotten dream or remind us of something we’ve always loved.
I grew up on Long Island, the fish shaped peninsula east of New York City that juts into the Atlantic Ocean. My neighborhood was pure suburbia with green lawns and good schools and a mix of Jewish and Catholic families.
Summer meant weekly visits to the library, hours lying on the grassy incline in our front yard, imagining shapes in the clouds, and playing kickball with the neighbor kids in the school playground across the street until bedtime. I was the youngest and always had to leave before the game was over, called in by the on and off flashing of the front porch light, my mother’s silent signal that it was time for me to come home.
When I complained that everyone else could stay out later, she offered me the option of coming in now or not playing at all.
My mother had very clear rules about a lot of things. Homework before play. You have to be well for a full day after being sick before going back to school. And I couldn’t wear shorts until June 21, the official first day of summer. (I wonder if she would have been flexible with the shorts rule if I had grown up in Phoenix.)
Summer was also when we took our annual family vacation. I learned how to read a map on our car trips to Washington DC and the Pennsylvania Amish country. I swam in a lake and caught fireflies in a jar with the daughter of one of my father’s former colleagues in upstate New York. And we always stayed at a Holiday Inn, because kids were free and they had a swimming pool.
Summer was making friends with Beezus and Harriet and Encyclopedia Brown, and standing on my mother’s Hoover upright vacuum cleaner, pretending it was a microphone.
Summer was blowing wishes on dandelions and mowing patterns in the lawn with my father’s push mower. Summer was climbing across the monkey bars, not afraid to let go of one rung to reach the other.
Summer was blue popsicles dripping down my arm and chocolate Carvel ice cream cones dipped in rainbow sprinkles. Summer was getting my hair cut short, like a pixie, and my legs sticking to the vinyl on the backseat of the station wagon.
Summer was sleepover parties with my girlfriends and hours of riding our bikes on the blacktop of the schoolyard, pretending we were teenagers, driving to our own apartments.
Summer was being stuck in traffic coming home from Jones Beach, me in the back seat happily distracted by the smell of the ocean on my arms.
What do you remember about summer?
What were your favorite things to do?
Where did you hang out? Who were your best friends?
Does remembering anything about your childhood summer trigger a dream of something you’d like to be or do now?
I’d love to hear your summer memories. Please share them with me and my readers by clicking the comments below.
[ssba]
