The Power of a Word
Every year I choose a single word as a compass, a guide, a solid reminder of what I want to manifest for myself. The word serves as a touchstone for me as I make choices through the year. I post the word in my bathroom and acknowledge it daily, asking myself “how can I be that today?”
The first year I chose the word BE. Because I was always planning, dreaming and imagining the future, I was rarely present where I was.
BE-ing was very uncomfortable.
It made me slow down and experience where I was, not where I wanted to be NEXT. It made me sit still and feel my emotions. I began a yoga practice and discovered that the simple act of breathing can calm me and bring me back to the here and now.
The next year my word was VULNERABILITY. I wanted to let go of control and open to things that I didn’t have the answers to. I was ready to feel what was uncomfortable and go even deeper.
I had so many opportunities during that year to practice this: with relationships, how I traveled, choosing to apply for a job that I didn’t get. And I had emergency open heart surgery. Talk about vulnerability and letting go of control. It was the most amazing gift of an experience to be in that space of pure vulnerability and realize how much I was loved and supported.
The following year I chose ASK as a reminder that, even though I had fully recovered, I didn’t have to do everything all by myself. I learned to ask for support, money, ideas, companionship.
More important, I learned that it’s not about having the answers but being able to ask bigger questions and opening to the silence that is larger than me for deep and true inspiration.
One year my word was INTEGRAYTION, intentionally spelled with the word gray in it because I wanted to let go of my extreme black and white thinking and live more in the grays. And I wanted to find ways to meld my two seemingly opposite work worlds together more, to let go of my all-or-nothing way of being.
A friend gifted me a beautiful necklace with the word stamped in silver and it was a lovely expression of further integrating my work with my personal life.
Two years my word was been EXPANSION. I wanted more space in my life. I wanted to show up bigger, both inside of myself and how I connect in the world. I wanted to open myself beyond what I already knew, to what else might be possible.
Expansion is all about breathing deeper and living at the edge of what is familiar and comfortable. And moving into that opened space with courage and intention and faith.
Of course I had many opportunities to do this last year: with my back and my grief and finally writing and publishing Heart Sparks. And, as scary as each activity was, when I came back to my word, I saw how saying YES completely supported my desire for expansion every time.
This past year was all about adventure and newness and courage and connections. Instead of narrowing it down to a single word, I took inspiration from Tinker Donnelly of Heartworks, who offered the idea of life being an expedition, a pilgrimage, a PASSAGE.
She created a wonderful acronym to reminds us what we need on any passage:
P= Preparedness: Equipping ourselves with appropriate “gear and tools” for the journey. Consistent and regular spiritual practices.
A= Adaptability: Accommodating the road and/or changing direction when conditions prompt doing so. Willingness to move beyond the parameters of personal agendas and expectations.
S= Spontaneity: Capitalizing on what is present and exercising resourcefulness. Confidence and creativity applied to the needs of the moment.
S= Single-mindedness: Trusting the direction of our inner compass. Setting course according to the ‘true north’ of our innate sense of purpose and values.
A= Availability: Maintaining receptivity and openness to all that is on our path. Authentically revealing and discovering Spiritual Truth, without defense or pretense.
G= Gratitude: Loving the journey. Appreciating the experience of each precious increment of unfolding Good and consciously recognizing the gifts of every experience.
E = Enthusiasm: Demonstrating energized creativity. En Theos – Living an inspired existence!
I loved how each of these words supported me as I ventured into the new year, ready to experience things I’d never felt or done before, ready for the unfolding PASSAGE.
And now, a year later, I see how powerful the word PASSAGE has been for me. I am truly, literally, standing on the other side of so many beliefs, dreams and circumstances.
I am still playing with words for this coming year: co-creation, expand, stretch, book it, richness, exhilaration. I’m contemplating how I want to FEEL, what work sparks my heart most, what assistance I need to keep that kind of fire burning. I’m also asking myself how I want to be living my life a year from now, what would support me on my journey and where am I willing to take the most risk.
What’s your word for this year?
You may come up with several. Take some time to discern the one that will best help you do and be this thing you are wanting.
How can using this word help you live a life you love?
Consider choosing a word that makes you uncomfortable, that will most clearly align you with who and what you are wanting to become.
Please share your word here on the blog so that we and the Universe can support you through the year!
[ssba]The Miracle of Light
This time of the year is all about the light. Chanukah is the Festival of Lights, commemorating the miracle of how the candles in the temple burned for eight nights, even though there was only enough oil to last for for one. Houses are decked in holiday lights. And Jesus was born under the light of the star of Bethlehem.
But in nature, this is the darkest time of the year.
And so we have to go inward to find our own light.
If we’re feeling confident, creative, appreciated, it’s pretty easy to tap into our own glowing goodness. We radiate love and compassion, for ourselves and others. And our shining light reflects on another person, creating an even bigger light.
But what about those other moments when sadness, frustration, even hopelessness overwhelm us?
Even if your light is not roaring in radiant flame, it is still burning. It may be just a tiny glow of an ember, but it is a spark for hope. It may be a faint flicker but it is alight because you are alive.
And really, all you need to do is fan the flame with a single spoken gratitude, the smallest of thank you’s and I promise you, the light will grow.
And when your light grows, the light around you grows. And suddenly, miraculously, you are no longer huddled in darkness. You are shining, radiating, basquing in the richest, truest light that is all of us.
May you find your light, know your light, and shine your light in the world.
“I honor the place in me where the entire universe resides.
I honor the place in me of love and light, truth and peace.
I honor the place in me where, when I am in that place in me, and you are in that place in you, then there is only one of us.”
~ translation of the word Namasté
How do you spark your own light? Please share by clicking on the Comments below.
[ssba]Creating New Traditions
I love listening to my friends share their holiday traditions. It’s fun to learn about the old family favorites and especially the ones they’ve invented and created in recent years.
Traditions are often customs and beliefs passed down from one generation to the next. Sometimes we don’t even remember why we do it, or when the tradition started.
This year, I invite you to create at least one new tradition for yourself or your family. It might be enjoying a new food at your holiday meal. Or going on an outing. Or volunteering your time.
Not sure how to come up with a new tradition? Ask your friends what they do. Ask your kids what they’d like to do.
Here are a few prompts to help you think about the traditions you follow.
Every year, I …………….
I do it because ……………
This year, I am doing it a little differently.
Instead of or, in addition to……………….. I am ………..
I’d love to read your ideas. Please share them by clicking the Comments link below.
The Gift of Receiving
Most of us love to give. There’s the thrill of finding that perfect something for someone, the fun of wrapping it, the joy of watching them open it with anticipation and delight. You know that great pleasure you feel when they are so happy with what they are receiving.
So if giving is so joyful and wonderful, why is receiving so difficult for some of us?
I don’t mean just receiving a tangible gift. Many of us are uncomfortable receiving a compliment, a pat on the back, a kind word about who we are.
My friend Joy works out at the gym, is happily taking care of her physical body. One day I commented on how slender and fit she looks. Instead of saying thank you, she minimized the compliment by saying “oh, black jeans just make you look thinner.”
Why is receiving a kind word so uncomfortable for some of us?
The other day I was having lunch at a favorite Thai restaurant. Two women, obviously friends, were sitting at the next table. I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping on their conversation but when one friend offered to pay for lunch and the other put up her hand and said, “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” I had to butt in.
“Your friend just offered you a gift,” I said. “She’d love for you to just accept it and say thank you.” Caught off guard, the woman smiled at me and said, “You’re right.” She turned to her friend and graciously said “Thank you, that’s so sweet.”
Why are we so quick to say no thank you?
Maybe, instead of digging back to figure out the why, we can simply try a new way.
We can choose to simply accept the gift or compliment without giving in to those voices in our head saying “I’m not worth this, it’s not true, I don’t deserve this.”
We can open up and receive the joy of that person’s giving.
We can say thank you.
We can accept their gift with an open heart, a deserving heart, a worthy heart.
Several years ago I created a series of Blessing Bowls. Some were made from papier mache, others began as wooden bowls from thrift stores. Decorated with paint, beads and other founds materials, the Bowls held words like Peace, Breathe, Namasté, Success and Happiness. Several of the bowls contained the Lovingkindness Prayer.
The Blessing Bowls, designed to hang on the wall so that they wouldn’t be thoughtlessly filled with stuff collecting on a table, served as a constant and beautiful reminder to ask for what we want and need in our lives.
In this season of gift-giving, what gifts do you wish for yourself?
What do you need more of in your life?
What reminders do you need to help you stay focused on living the passionate and purposeful life you dream of?
A new gathering of Virtual Living Room Ladies will begin in January. The group is designed to help you discover what you truly need, what you deeply desire, and how to bring these ideas to life.
What a beautiful gift to give yourself this holiday season. Click here for all the details.
[ssba]A Time For Thanks and Giving
image by Spirit Juice Studios
It’s that time of year when it’s easy to remember to be thankful. All of the turkey and ham commercials on television remind us to be grateful for what we have, and for the people in our lives.
But gratitude is an act for every day living, even without the festive meal. Click here for a great gratitude practice.
Still, this is a wonderful opportunity for me to say thank you to YOU, my loyal reader, for your enthusiasm, your support, and your open heart.
May this season bring you more ways to rest in your own heart and share your special gifts with those around you.
Hand in hand with being grateful is the self-less act of giving, of doing something simply to better someone else’s situation.
We can give our money, our time, our talents. We can donate our used items to an needy organization.
We can also give with simple acts of kindness.
- Open the door for a stranger
- Let someone go in front of you in line at the supermarket
- Check on an elderly neighbor
- Smile at every single person you pass, even the person asking for money
- Say thank you and graciously receive when someone offers to pay your way
- Give your partner or your child or your friend your full attention
- Pick up the litter on your neighbor’s lawn
- Wave someone into your lane in busy traffic
- Give someone a genuine compliment
- Call someone you haven’t talked with in a long time
I’d love to hear your ideas for giving. You can post them below by clicking on the Comments.
[ssba]How to Make Any Decision – Take the PING or CLUNK Test
For many months after my open heart surgery, I felt things in my heart. Sometimes it was a fluttery feeling, sometimes a buzzing. Sometimes it was just an awareness of some kind of physical sensation. The doctors explained that it was just the nerves healing and that it would subside over time.
I especially noticed the sensations when I was feeling emotional or excited. It was like I had a special gauge in my body that physically reflected what was happening in my mind. It was odd, but kind of cool to actually FEEL my emotions right in my heart.
Several months ago I was doing an exercise with a stranger in a life coaching class and we had to stand as close to each other as we felt comfortable. I felt that buzzing sensation in my heart at the exact moment that I knew I was close enough. My heart sent a signal to my mind and I felt it.
I think everyone can tune in to this feeling in their heart. You may not feel an actual sensation, but you will connect to a strong sense of knowing. It just takes paying attention, connecting to your deeper self, and really listening for those tiny signals.
Here’s a great tool to begin to tap into your own heart’s signals. It’s called the PING or CLUNK test.
Whenever I am faced with a choice or a decision, I ask myself, does it feel like a PING or a CLUNK.
A PING makes my heart sing. I feel excitement, joy, an overwhelming desire to say YES. And I might even feel a little buzz in my heart.
A CLUNK feels like a heavy weight. It is joyless and unexciting. Words like dread, discomfort and obligation usually accompany a CLUNK.
The PING or CLUNK Test is a sure-fire system for discerning where I want to give of myself and my energy.
I only do things that are a PING. I say no to anything that is a CLUNK. The more I live from this place of my singing, pinging heart, the happier I am, and the more I am able to show up in the world, ready to give and connect and share with others.
The next time you have a choice or decision to make, ask yourself, is it a PING or a CLUNK. I’m pretty sure the answer will come quickly and clearly.
Then you’ll just have to choose whether you will follow what your heart is telling you.
[ssba]Why It’s Good to (Sometimes) Be Selfish
All around me people are rushing and hurrying, taking care of people and things and the heavy worlds on their shoulders.
And they are tired and cranky and wondering why all of this giving and doing doesn’t feel very good.
Maybe because they are tired. Sore. Overwhelmed.
Maybe because they are forgetting to take care of themselves….
When did the word “selfish” get such a bad rap? When did it become a negative thing to take care of our own needs?
Isn’t taking care of ourselves crucial to our well-being? Isn’t self-care the way we stay healthy and able to give and care for others?
What if we embraced the idea that it’s OK to put our own needs first sometimes?
Imagine how rejuvenated and recharged you might feel…….
So many of my clients tell me that their biggest challenge is finding time for themselves. Not just finding time, but JUSTIFYING the NEED for time for themselves.
They tell me that it is so easy to do for others, to take care of everyone else, but that, when it comes to claiming any space for their own interests or needs, they feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and undeserved-ness and inability to make it happen.
Scheduling time for yourself is as important as scheduling everything else you have to do.
Self-Care is as important as doing the laundry, going to work, walking the dog.
When we take care of ourselves, we are more willing and able to give and care for others.
And yet it is so easy to get so busy with all other things and other people’s needs that we neglect our own.
I attend a weekly yoga class. For 90 minutes each week I give myself the opportunity to gather with like-minded people, practice breathing and stretching, and tune out the noise of everything else in my life and turn inward.
For several weeks during the summer I was so busy with work things that I took my yoga classes off of my calendar. It is no surprise that I was suddenly cranky, stiff and feeling overwhelmed with everything. The week I went back to class, I immediately felt balance and calm and clarity again.
Scheduling activities in our calendar is the key to getting things done. When we create the space and time for things that are important to us, we can actually do them.
So how do you take care of yourself? Do you even give yourself permission to?
Here’s a powerful Worksheet from the Living Room Ladies that can help you re-define what being selfish means to and give you a new way to create some much-deserved ME time in your daily life.
DID YOU KNOW??
In addition to writing this blog, I also lead workshops, retreats, and small coaching circles for women over 50 who are in transition–in their relationships, jobs, living situations, roles in life, or just in an in-between place in life.
Living Outside the Box
We’ve all heard the phrase “think outside the box”, but before you can begin to think or live outside the box, it helps to know what that means. For each of us the answer will be different.
QUESTIONS:
What does living inside the box mean to you?
It could mean feeling stuck or bored. It might mean doing what is expected of you. Maybe inside the box is predictable, what you always do. Inside the box could be playing it safe, staying where it is easy, comfortable.
What does living outside the box mean to you?
Is it pushing your limits? Is it taking more risks, leaping into the unknown? Maybe it is doing the same thing, but differently. Maybe it’s eating at a new restaurant. Maybe it is moving your sofa to the other side of the room.
Think about your own answers and write them down. Writing things down gives power to your thoughts. And writing requires effort, commitment, taking the time to find your pen and paper.
Complete these sentences, being as descriptive and vivid as possible. Write several sentences for each.
Living inside the box, I am…….
Living inside the box I feel……..
Living outside the box I am…….
Living outside the box I feel……….
Are there some surprises in your answers? Please share in the comments below.
[ssba]Seeing Through the Heart
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Recently, a coaching client was having trouble seeing the amazing shifts in her life. She could only see that she is still at the same job, her house is not remodeled, the yard is still not planted.
I asked her to look with her heart, instead of her eyes.
Suddenly she could see so many changes in herself, her environment, how she is showing up in the world. She realized that she is not reacting at work, that she is engaging more with her live-in father-in-law. She is so aware of how much more balance she feels in her moods and her body.
Big changes happen INSIDE first.
It’s as if we must rebuild from the ground up.
Often, when we are ready for change, we first have to redefine our priorities, we need to get clear about our values. We must create space for ourselves in order for changes to grow.
And of course, this takes time.
And work.
And faith.
And it takes stepping back from what we see on the surface and looking INSIDE, with our heart, to see that our true self is changing.
I’d love to hear your comments.
[ssba]When Things Don’t Turn Out the Way You Expect Them To
I remember the first time I offered a free tele-seminar call, where I announced a new online Master Coaching program. My vision was clear and powerful: people would listen to the call, get as excited about the content as I am, feel incredibly inspired and deliriously motivated and the class would fill within the first week.
But that didn’t happen.
Sure, people listened to the call. But not a single person signed up for the program.
And I was devastated.
How could I put so much effort and love into a thing and not have it turn out the way I expected?
I wallowed for a few days in the disappointment. I knew I did a good job. I knew I was offering an amazing program. (Fortunately, I never went down the self-deprecating path telling myself that the tele-seminar sucked, or that I wasn’t a good coach.)
But I did wonder if I should just give up on the whole Spark the Heart thing and focus all of my efforts and attentions on my Mac training, since that’s where more of my success happens.
And then I talked with friends. I shared my bruised heart with my coach. And I came back to remembering that nothing is ever all or nothing.
I remembered that it is a gift that I have two very different businesses that bring my joy and allow me to serve others. I remembered that it is precisely the success of my Mac training that offers me the opportunity to also grow this new and passionate other business.
And, like everything, it will take time.
When things don’t go the way we hope, it’s OK to feel disappointment. It’s OK to retreat for a bit. In fact, it’s a wonderful thing to step aside for a while so you can regain some perspective.
When you step back from the disappointment, you give your ego a chance to heal.
And then you’re able to ask yourself bigger questions without judgment, like:
What did work?
What could I do differently?
How important is this?
Is there a bigger clue here for me?
This past month I announced a new Virtual Living Room Ladies Coaching Circle. I was so excited to gather another intimate group and do some amazing exploring and growing together. But not a single person signed up.
I was certainly disappointed.
But I have accepted that this isn’t the time for that kind of work.
And so, once again, I am stepping back to see what’s working and how best I can serve the people I work with. And I am letting go of expectations and opening to a bigger vision of what I am here to be and do.
I’d love to hear your comments. Share them by clicking the Comments below.
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