I am a hugger. I’ll wrap both of my arms around you and hold us together for several moments in an enveloping embrace so that our hearts have a chance to connect. Even if we’ve just met. And before I let you go, I’ll give you a little squeeze, like an exclamation point at the end of a very important sentence.
I especially love to hug women who have a few extra pounds, like me, because it’s soft on soft, like hugging my mom. My friend Deborah gives the best soft on soft hugs that linger, followed by a kiss on my cheek and “Love you, sweetie.” It melts me and fills me every time.
When I first moved here, I asked Pam if I could give her a hug. She said yes, but looked very uncomfortable afterwards. So I asked if she was OK, and she said, “Oh yes, I liked it. I’m just not used to it.”
I guess there are a lot of people who aren’t huggers. Or they do a half hug with just one arm and a slight lean in to keep some distance between bodies. For me, there is nothing better than the energetic connection that a close hug can create between two people.
This past weekend I had four social activities. I even knew some people at each event. There were a few handshakes and nice to see you’s, but I only shared three hugs. The morning after all of the socializing, I felt a hollowness in my chest. I thought about the people I love, and the people who love me. I thought about the work I’m doing with my Heart Sparks women. It all helped lift my heart, but I realized that what I really needed was a good hug.
Studies prove that hugging lowers your blood pressure, lifts your mood, and releases those feel good chemicals. And the longer the hug, the greater the benefits.
Virginia Satir, a well-know author and family therapist, said that we need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and twelve hugs a day for growth.
Thank God for Tillie, or I’d be way under my quota. Still, I was needing a good hug that morning, and Pam wasn’t home to ask for one. Then I thought of my friend Kim, who loves to hug trees.
I had never hugged a tree before. So Tillie and I went down into the lower yard where I often sit at the base of the big mother Redwood tree. This time, I walked up to the tree and stood where I usually sit. I checked for spiders and bugs, then spread my arms as wide as wings, and still, I could barely reach around a quarter of the massive trunk. (Pam took this photo in a re-enactment the next day.)
I pressed my torso against the ridges of the thick bark and I breathed. I found a wide indentation to rest my left cheek, and I pressed my sternum against the tree and relaxed into it. I could feel the energy of the tree meeting my heart. I cried as I pressed my palms into the rough bark, feeling a filling up and a calming come over me.
It wasn’t soft and squishy like a person’s hug, but the connection was real. And strong. And it satisfied my need for a good, loving hug. And now I know that the mother tree is right there, anytime I need a hug.
When was the last time you hugged a tree? And how often do you hug your loved ones? I’d love to hear your stories. And if you, like me, have never had the experience of hugging a tree, I highly recommend it.
From my happy hugging heart to yours,
