There is such a push in this society to always be doing more, staying busy, increasing sales, growing your lists….. and it can be exhausting.
But if we slow down or take a break, we’re called lazy or unproductive.
Finding a balance between doing and being takes constant practice. Some days I do it much better than others. And sometimes I end up off the spectrum, thinking I’ll never find that balance again.
I know that I’m idling. I know why I am idling. I even know what I need to do to kick it into drive. But until I’m able to take that action, I’m being kind and gentle with myself, and breathing.
And so last week, I returned to my beloved yoga class, to familiar faces, to the clean bamboo floors, the silver air ducts, the ceilings hidden behind sheets of white linings that make me think of long spools of white butcher paper.
And after hugs and quick updates, I rolled out my mat, perfectly aligned it with the edge of the floor boards, then I got a blanket and two prop blocks, in case we did lunges.
I folded the wool blanket in half and covered the top two-thirds of my mat, and then I took my place at the uncovered edge, welcoming myself back to my mat. I breathed, eyes closed, folded forward and easily brushed my fingertips on the floor, then stood up with a deep inhale, bringing my hands in prayer position in front of my heart.
And then I laid down on my mat, with a bolster under my knees and I just noticed: the support of the floor, the buzz in the room, how my feet dangled inches above my mat.
And when I sat up on my bolster for the opening round of ohms, I was surprised that there was no resistance at all in either of my hips.
Because I HAVE been moving, and stretching and even doing yoga poses at picnic tables and at campsites.
What I most loved about my practice that day was how I got things moving on the INSIDE. Connecting with my breath, my spine, lifting, dropping, opening my heart, feeling the expansiveness of energy inside my body that makes it possible for me to be expansive on the outside!
No, there doesn’t seem to be much movement in my life on the outside right now, and that is because my insides have been stuck, slowed, recovering from all of the growth and movement of this past year on the road.
And I know I can’t rush things into action. But I can be gentle and forgiving and aware, and open to the changes I am beginning to remember that I want to manifest.
It’s that fallow time in the fields, when the earth is resting, renewing, readying for new seeds that will bloom in the spring. There is nothing to rush, nothing to do, but open my heart and breathe.