image by dreamtime.com
We’ve all been there. You have to make a choice whether to do something or not and you just can’t decide.
You make your list of pros and cons, only to find just as many reasons on each side of the list.
So how do you decide?
A client recently struggled with a decision she had to make. Several months before, she had volunteered to take on a big project for a group she had recently joined. At the time, she was excited, motivated, committed.
Now, almost 12 months later, the committee was finally ready to move forward with the project but my client’s enthusiasm was gone. She wasn’t even sure she still wanted to be a part of the organization. But at the top of her pros list, she felt an obligation to follow through.
I asked her–do you want to do it? Her first response was, I don’t know.
I asked her to move out of her head, where she was still going back and forth between the pros and cons, and to breathe deep into her belly.
After several quiet minutes I asked her again. Do you WANT to do this?
She looked me straight in the eye and shook her head, NO.
Her heart was no longer in it.
Still, she wrestled with the idea of backing out, of not following through. We talked about the option of doing the work, even if it was purely out of obligation. She said that wouldn’t feel right either. That she wouldn’t be being authentic.
I asked her WHY she said YES in the first place.
She shared that this was the first independent thing she had done after her divorce. That it felt great to belong to a new group, to feel she had value, something to offer. But now, she has a new job, new friends, a full schedule. She didn’t feel the same connection to this organization.
I asked her if she could find a way to honor what the experience had given her, to celebrate how she was able to step up and now, to stand in how very clear she was about being authentic.
Her shoulders relaxed. She sat back in her chair and started composing, out loud, the letter she would write to graciously say no.
How do YOU make a decision? Do you stay in your head or are you able to move into your heart, your gut, to hear your deeper knowing?
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Ah yes…my old friend DECIDE shows up here….were you thinking of me? I have to say that the last year has taught me that my heart’s a pretty smart cookie! My head does OK too, but isn’t really good at lasering in on what I TRULY want. Thank you for writing this and giving us permission to let our hearts speak.
ah, the wise heart of my wise friend Anna. I love seeing how your DECIDING has really made you so happy!