An Exercise in Free Writing
Yesterday was the 4th of July here, a time, once again, to celebrate our freedom as Americans. I could go on about what freedom means, but we all have our own thoughts about it.
So, instead, I’d like to invite you to play with some Free Writing.
Writing is a wonderful way to access what is in your heart. Your hands are, in fact, an extension of your heart.
Free writing means just writing…not editing, not even thinking, just following a stream of consciousness without judgment.
It doesn’t have to be grammatically correct, you don’t even have to write complete sentences. And no one is checking your spelling!
The idea is to just write and see where your words take you.
If you find yourself correcting spelling as you write, or judging what you’ve written, consider this: the writer in you uses a very different part of your brain than the editor.
I like to think of them as two beings doing two very different jobs. Both are important but they cannot work together in the same room at the same time.
When I am writing, creating, the editor is banned from the room. Later, when I’m ready to review and objectively read what I’ve written, the writer and her ego must take a break so that the editor can do her work.
Here is an exercise that I give many of my coaching clients to help them move beyond a feeling of stuckness and “I don’t know.”
Try it. See where it takes you….
Choose a writing prompt from the list below.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and begin writing whatever comes into your mind. If nothing comes into your mind, just write the word over and over, or rhyme it. You can even write “I don’t know what to write.”
Just keep coming back to the prompt and follow your pen on the paper.
If you hit on something interesting, follow it. It may not have anything to do with the actual prompt word.
If you get stuck, just come back to the prompt.
After your 10 minutes, turn to a clean page, set the timer for another 10 minutes and write some more on the same prompt. You’ll be surprised by where it will take you.
Free writing can trigger memories, reveal forgotten dreams, inspire new ideas.
Here’s an example, using the word BLUE as a prompt:
blue. blue, a primary color. blue like when you’re sad. blue suede shoes. blue bells, blue moon, blue eyes, blue skies like in summer when I used to lie in my front lawn for hours and just watch the clouds and I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything and I was free…..blueberries, blue popsicles-they were Jeff’s favorite and they’d turn his tongue blue and……..
Here are some words you can use as prompts:
Drive Candy Maps Winter Mountains
Blue Potatoes Hair Paper Telephones
Hot Enough To Fry An Egg On The Sidewalk
As I write this, it is 107° outside. In the shade. Typical summer numbers for Phoenix. And it’s not even the expected high for the day.
Yes, it’s a dry heat. But so is your oven. Imagine standing in your oven with your blow dryer in your face and you can get a sense of what it’s like to step out in the heat of the day.
Everywhere I go, people are bemoaning the heat, the dryness, the insufferable, unending summer.
But does complaining make it any cooler?
Hardly.
In fact, some people say that focusing on how miserable you feel will make you even more miserable.
So, this week I challenged myself to come up with at least FIVE reasons why I LOVE the summer heat, even the Phoenix summer heat.
And it actually did make me feel a little less hot. Under the collar, anyway.
SIX REASONS WHY I LOVE THE HEAT:
- The laundry on the line is dry in 10 minutes.
- Because there’s hardly any humidity, I’m not sweating so much that I feel like I just got out of the shower. (And if I were sweating, it would evaporate before I realized it.)
- The hotter the air, the more refreshing the water in the swimming pool feels.
- I can turn the temperature on the water heater way down.
- A lot of people leave town for the summer (because of the heat) so there’s less traffic on the roads.
- At least once during the summer, the local newscaster will try to fry an egg on the sidewalk.
I encourage you to write your own list. Even if it’s just two or three things.
Find ways to appreciate the weather where you live.
Imagine how this could translate into other areas of life where it would be so much easier to just complain……
I’d love to hear your comments and your lists. Please share them by clicking on the Comments below!
Coming Back to the Why
I had lunch last week with a woman who I haven’t seen in almost six years. In all of our catching up, I told her about my emergency open heart surgery, the growth of Spark the Heart, the new Mac training videos, and she was in awe of how much I have bloomed.
“It’s because I quit smoking pot,” I told her.
She knew I had smoked and she was curious about WHY I chose to quit.
“Because it was the one thing keeping me from what I really wanted.”
I loved being stoned. I was highly creative, very functional (I didn’t smoke until after my working day), and it was a wonderful escape from the depression of a recent break up. When I was high I felt so connected to something bigger in myself.
And that became the problem.
What I wanted more than anything was to connect to OTHERS, to connect to something bigger THAN myself.
But, being stoned all the time, I was usually too high to drive or too tired to go out, too fixated on feeling good to risk any vulnerability.
And then, there was that day, that moment, that I realized I couldn’t have what I truly wanted if I continued to get high.
And so I quit.
Sure, that first month was challenging and uncomfortable. But each time I thought about getting high, I immediately reminded myself that it was ultimately NOT what I wanted. And, instead, I’d call a friend, get out of my house, make a connection.
I realized it wasn’t enough to just not smoke. It was equally important for me to replace the behavior with what I really wanted.
As I think about this huge transformation and all of its rewards, I realize that we can apply this practice to anything we really want: more time, more intimacy, richer connections.
1. Define and claim what it is that you really want for yourself.
2. Identify one thing that keeps you from being that.
3. Make the commitment to the desire.
4. Begin to replace the thing that holds you back with the thing you truly want.
Keep coming back to the WHY of your new behavior. It will lead you to where and who you truly want to be.
[ssba]10 Steps from Brainstorm to Brilliance
Have you ever taken on a big project or a new creative endeavor and, after hours, days, weeks of working, you think you’re finished? And then someone offers you a suggestion to make it even better?
Do you settle for “good enough” or do you step back, take a breath and say, YES, I want it to be Great!
As you may know, for the past few months I’ve been working on creating a brand new Video Tutorial program for my Mac training clients. Anytime I begin a new project, I think I am just working on the project. But somewhere along the way I realize it is much more than just the thing I am creating.
This latest endeavor has been like an intense hike through familiar, yet foreign terrain, giant boulders appeared in my path and, for a while I lost sight of the destination and just had to stop.
But with the help of my coach, my friends and some great tech support, I am proud and happy and delighted to announce that the first series is now available! And it’s FREE! Even if you don’t have a Mac, you might want to check it out. Just click on this link to sign up and try them.
Here are the 10 steps that kept me moving from that first brainstorm of an idea to its brilliant completion.
1: GET EXCITED ABOUT THE IDEA
You will need to tap into this excitement and inspiration throughout the process, especially when you are feeling frustrated or stuck. Draw your idea, write about it, post these notes where you can see them to keep you excited, focused and motivated.
Anytime I was stuck in the frustration of a particular step, I remembered the WHY of what I was doing, and it kept me wanting to work through it.
2: PLAN! TO AVOID OVERWHELM
Any new endeavor, at first, seems like it is simply about the end product. Sure, you have an idea of the basic steps you’ll need to do. But as you get further along, problems come up, spirits go down. Without a constantly evolving plan, overwhelm is bound to stop you in your tracks.
When I first got the idea to do the training videos, it seemed pretty straightforward. I had to record the videos and find out how to upload them to my website. I had no idea that I would also have to learn about editing, conversions, compressions, video hosts, feed-burners.
Several times I hit a wall, overwhelmed with everything I didn’t know and had to do.
When I was able to step back and break things down into smaller, more manageable tasks, I was able to move forward, one next step at a time.
3. CELEBRATE EACH SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENT
Every time I finished a task, I did a little happy dance. I celebrated the achievement. I called a friend and shared my success. This kept me focused on the bigger picture, kept me excited about the project, and it honored all the work I had done so far.
If we wait until we’re all done, we’ll never celebrate, because there’s always something next to do….
4: STRIVE FOR SOMETHING BETWEEN GOOD ENOUGH AND PERFECTION
The first time you do anything new, it’s not going to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be. In fact, it CAN’T be. If you wait for perfection, you’ll never get to the next step.
When I initially recorded the first video, it was full of stops and stumbles-not very professional at all. I re-did it many times, until I had a version that was “pretty good.” And then I moved on. For my own sanity, I had to move on to the next step, and then the next, to see how the whole process worked.
Once I had the whole production process down, I was willing and able to go back and re-record that first video until it was professional and polished and pretty near perfect.
5: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
Even with a good plan, unexpected things happen. In the midst of recording my videos, my computer’s video board went out (does anyone else see the irony here?) and I had to buy a new computer. It was certainly an unexpected and expensive challenge for me. But I also knew that, in order to move forward with the bigger picture of the project, I had to make the investment. And of course, because the new computer is faster, it handles all of the video work so much better.
6: PREPARE TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE
Doing anything new is bound to take us to our best selves, and also to our most uncomfortable places. Old doubts, insecurities and patterns are sure to poke us. How we deal with them is the challenge.
Acknowledge that you are charting new territory. Be patient and gentle with yourself and continue to celebrate each little step you are taking.
7: TAKE A BREAK
Big things take time. Stepping away from a project gives us perspective, distraction, breathing room. When we come back to it, we are less stressed, and often, we can see a new way to approach what had us stuck.
8: ASK FOR HELP
Whenever we take on something knew, we are knowingly moving into the unknown. Some things we can figure out for ourselves, but if it’s causing you sleepless nights or knocking the wind out of your sails, ASK for help.
I tend to be a do-it-herself-er. I pride myself in being able to figure things out. But a lot of this video stuff was beyond even my ability to figure it out. I got crabby, frustrated. And more crabby. When I was finally willing to ask for help, I didn’t even know who to ask. So I just kept saying I NEED HELP. And eventually I found the tech support I needed to move me to the next step.
9: GET FEEDBACK
What may seem clear and simple and wonderful to you may be completely confusing for others. Ask some selected people for feedback. Be specific about what kind of information you need them to tell you. Be prepared for people to not like something. Stay open to constructive criticisms, suggestions, input. Remember, you want this to be an amazing product for others.
10. BE WILLING TO TAKE IT FROM GOOD TO GREAT
It’s tempting to sit back and say, “This is mighty good.” But then, when your ego is feeling secure enough, dare to ask yourself, “How can I incorporate that feedback and make this even better? How can it be Great?”
Then step back, take a breath and do the work that will take that original brainstorm of an idea to sheer brilliance.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. To share, click on Comments and a box will appear.
[ssba]Does Lipstick Scare You?
In yoga, students are encouraged to go to their soft edge–to stretch deep enough where you feel the stretch but not so deep that you hurt yourself. It is at this soft edge that the muscles release and then you can breathe in and stretch just a little bit further.
In life, as we shift and change, we push up against a lot of soft edges. It is where our biggest growths happen.
This past week I gathered with my Mastermind-coaching circle. We are an intimate group of 14 women who are all upleveling our lives, our businesses, our dreams with our coach Christine Kane. It is an amazing opportunity to share and support each other as we stretch and push to get clearer and closer toward our biggest visions of ourselves.
There is an incredible amount of trust and vulnerability among us. I guess that’s why I felt comfortable enough during one of our dinners, to ask my friend Kathi,” so what kind of lipstick do you wear?”
It seemed like a pretty innocent question. But it led me to an edge I never thought I’d push against.
If you know me at all, you know that I don’t wear makeup. Or dresses, or panty hose, or even much jewelry. I will always choose comfort over style. Always.
But for several years, I’ve wanted to have a girlfriend go with me to the lipstick counter and help me pick a color. I’d like my lips to not get so lost on my face.
So I asked Kathi, “What kind of lipstick do you wear?”
“I don’t really like lipstick,” she said. “It’s too thick. I used to love Carmex, until I found out it had phenol in it.” I smiled in happy agreement. “But now I wear lip gloss,” she said. She told me how it makes her lips so shiny and the next thing I knew, she was telling me how simple and easy her makeup routine is.
“Just shake, tap, swirl and buff.” She circled an imaginary makeup brush quickly around her face. “That’s it. Less than 5 minutes. And it doesn’t even look like I have makeup on,” she said.
It’s true. Her face looks natural, simple, and not at all “made-up.”
And then she offered to show me on my own face.
My first reaction was NO WAY! I DON”T WEAR MAKEUP!!!! I was only MAYBE thinking about some kind of lipstick.
But then I stepped back from my reaction. And in that moment of detachment, I felt a strong wanting to say YES! YES! This is something that leads me to my bigger vision of myself.
“I don’t want to look like I have makeup on.” I finally said.
“Oh no,” she assured me, “It’ll just make you glow. And feel pretty.”
When I showed up at her hotel room the next evening, she had her powders and brushes lined up on the bathroom counter. I thought I would feel anxious, hesitant, maybe even want to change my mind. But I was relaxed, open, ready.
That’s what happens when I say YES!
Yes is accepting. Yes is moving through the uncomfortableness. Yes is stepping toward that bigger vision of myself.
So I tapped and swirled and buffed, quickly moving the brush around my face. I painted over the areas where I needed a little more cover. I brushed another product where the sun kisses my face. I curled my eyelashes and thickened them with mascara.
It wasn’t about covering my face with layers of fakeness. It was all about evening out my skin tone, covering the the spider veins around my nose, the blotchiness in my chin so that you focused, instead, on the light of my eyes.
“OK, now which lip gloss?” She handed me a subtle peachy gloss.
I painted it on, then looked in the mirror. “Oh no, way too obvious,” I said. All I could see was my peachy, shiny lips.
She pulled out her other choice, a deeper purplish red, and dabbed a little on my peach lips. “Oh God, now I feel like I have a big clown mouth!” I said, looking in the mirror.
“I know how you feel,” she assured me, “but really, it looks good.”
I looked at her, looked at myself and decided to trust. It was only lipstick.
When we joined the rest of the gals for dinner, I didn’t want them all to “know,” to be pointing at me, making a fuss. But they did. And I liked hearing that I looked fabulous, that I popped, that I was pretty.
I wondered if they were just saying those things because they knew ahead of time that I’d be wearing makeup. I wondered if they would have even noticed if no one had told them.
But then I realized it didn’t matter. I did it for me, not for them.
I did it to try something that I’ve always been adamantly NEVER going to do. I did it to push myself beyond my own limitations. I did it to move toward that bigger self I envision, who stands in front of large groups of people, who will NEED to wear makeup so that my features don’t get washed out in the bright lights.
I did it because it is time to start saying YES!
[ssba]Celebrating Our Personal Freedom Fighters
Today is Memorial Day in the US, a day we honor and remember those who have died in active military service.
Maybe you know someone who gave their life fighting for our country. Maybe you know someone who is currently serving in our military.
Today is a day to acknowledge, not only those who have fought for our national freedom, but also for our personal freedoms.
* * * * * * * *
As a kid, I marched in the local Memorial Day parades–one year as a beginning baton twirler, one year as a girl scout, and years later, with my alto sax in my high school marching band. We played patriotic songs and there was a lot of flag waving.
But I never knew anyone in the military.
But I did know people who had died. So I began to think of Memorial Day as a day to remember all kinds of people who were special to me.
Lately, I’ve been thinking how so many people in our lives fight for our freedom. Our parents, our teachers, our best friend on the playground–each one takes a stand for us, for our right to be our authentic selves.
Today is a great day to remember that special teacher, the kind neighbor, that helpful employer who encouraged you to believe in yourself, to claim your own personal power, to step into your shining light of freedom of expression.
Here are a few ways to honor those special heroes in your life:
- Write them a letter of thanks, even if you don’t send it
- Take a few moments and remember their face, their voice, maybe even something they said to you that you still hear in your head
- Tell a friend a story about this person
- Click below to add a comment and post their name and why you remember them
A Million Dollars…What Are You Waiting For?
How many times have you thought, if only I could win the lottery…if only I were rich…oh, how my life would be different…
Really?
If you had a million dollars, what would you do?
Quit your job?
Then what?
Lie on the beach all day?
Then what?
Go on a cruise?
Then what?
Give money to your favorite charity?
Then what?
Buy some cars, a new house?
Then what?
Most people, when asked to really think about this, realize that the thing they would REALLY want to do is something close to their heart, that makes them feel excited and joyful and part of something bigger than themselves.
Do you really need to wait until you have a cazillion dollars to begin pursuing this thing that sparks your heart?
What IS this thing thing that you wish you could do, if only…..?
And what is stopping you from doing it now?
Can you donate a LITTLE bit to your favorite charity NOW?
Or start saving for a 3-day mini-cruise?
Or find a coach who can guide you toward a more fulfilling career?
Life is NOW not WHEN!
Really!
Moms, Casinos and the Power of Positive Thinking
Today is my mom’s 80th birthday and we are at a local casino, celebrating at the slot machines.
By the title of this blog, you might think that she hit the big one and is now a Mega Winner.
She is, but not in the typical terms of a casino.
Eight years ago, my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Most people diagnosed with stage three of this horrific disease die within three years.
My mother underwent chemo and radiation and, while she has lasting side effects from the treatments that make breathing more challenging, she was declared cancer free.
She incorporated more fruits and vegetables into her diet, proclaiming she was learning to “eat the rainbow.” She started letting go of the little things that aggravated her. She focused on the people and activities that bring her pleasure and joy.
She joined a writing group at the senior center. She began clearing the clutter of papers and photographs. And we resumed our weekly Scrabble games, this time joined by my father.
In 2007, five years cancer-free, we celebrated her miraculous health at the Ritz-Carlton with a delicious dessert spread, her plate inscribed in chocolate letters, Happy Living. The waitress was moved to tears when we told her what we were celebrating “I never heard of someone celebrating life like this. It’s wonderful.”
Two years later, the cancer returned, though still localized in the esophagus. Chemo was no longer an option, so they radioactively burned the areas with endoscopic treatments. The procedures were uncomfortable and left my mom with a sore throat for a few days, but she was a trooper and the regular treatments kept the cancer contained and slow-growing.
Her doctors call her remarkable. I call her amazing. Not just because she’s my mother, but because she continues to try new things, shift her thinking and maintain a healthy vision of herself.
This past year, a routine PET scan revealed some new hot spots outside of the esophagus. My mother underwent two rounds of chemo and the spots got smaller. So she endured two more rounds of chemo and side effects. She is scheduled for another scan this month to get a current assessment.
My mother attributes her longevity to her doctors, the support of others and to the positive attitudes surrounding her.
I truly believe that her attitude is the number one reason why she is still here.
Well known self-help, self-love advocate Louise Hay believes that our thoughts have everything to do with our dis-ease and health. Her ground-breaking book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE tells how she was diagnosed with cancer and how she cured herself with positive affirmations, visualization, nutritional cleansing and psychotherapy. She offers simple positive statements to readers to shift their thoughts about their own dis-eases. I have shared some of these affirmations with my mother and she says them, regularly.
Whether you believe it or not, isn’t it worth a try?
I invite you to look in Louise’s book for some healing affirmations for a dis-ease you may be experiencing. Say the words everyday, even if you don’t believe it will make a difference. Who knows. Maybe, just maybe, by shifting your focus to something positive, you will actually begin to feel a little better.
And maybe, if we invoke some of that positive thinking at the casino, we’ll come out big winners at the slots, too!
[ssba]Action Comes Before Inspiration
We can plan and dream in our heads but we must be present in our bodies to take action, to move forward in our lives.
A lot of people think they can’t DO something until they are inspired. They think if they wait, inspiration will come and THEN they will do that great thing they thought of.
The truth is, action comes before inspiration.
In yoga, students are encouraged to find their soft edge, to stretch deep enough where you feel the stretch but do not feel pain. It is at this edge where the muscles release and then you can breathe in and stretch just a little bit further.
Moving BEYOND what is comfortable and safe is where real growth can happen.
So when was the last time you did something a little outside of your comfort zone?
It could be something that you’ve always wanted to do but were a little too scared, or something you never considered doing by yourself.
Maybe it’s going a movie by yourself, or taking yourself out for a lovely meal. Maybe you’ve always wanted to sign up for a class but didn’t want to do it alone.
I invite you to do something this week that challenges you. Maybe you’ll go on a solo road trip. Maybe you’ll get a massage. Maybe you’ll choose something you’ve wanted to do for a long time but just haven’t.
Choose something that takes you to your soft edge, that stretches you just to the other side of discomfort. It shouldn’t scare you, terrify you or put you in danger.
Ideally it will be something that, once you are doing it and looking back on it, you will feel an amazing sense of pride and accomplishment that, hey, I DID THAT!!
So get out and DO something!
Move out of your head and into your body and allow the space for inspiration to come.
Have a wonderful adventure!
[ssba]Grateful = Great + Full
Gratitude is the single easiest way to shift your life.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failure into success, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~Melodie Beattie
The universe is a magnet–if you are stuck in the woe-is-me and the worry of things, the universe will offer you more opportunities for woe and worry.
If you focus on the spaces where you feel joy and peace, you will experience more joy and peace.
The easiest way to do this is by being grateful for what is. Even the small things, especially the small things….
TRY THIS SIMPLE EXERCISE: BEING GRATEFUL (GREAT-FULL)
Every day, write a list of five things you are grateful for. Things that make you feel great and full.
They can be small things
big things
things that make you smile.
They can be people
places
synchronistic opportunities.
Try to write five new things each day
You do not need a special gratitude journal or thankfulness notebook. You can write on a restaurant napkin or the back of your grocery list. You can throw the pages out at the end of the week.
It’s not about WHERE you write them, but THAT you write them.
And if you write your list at the same time every day, it will become a habit.
Share your list with your friends. Invite them to write their own thank you notes to the universe.
GRATITUDE is a gift of the present moment. Gratitude shifts your focus immediately from what you don’t have, what you’ve lost, what isn’t and cannot be, to what is.
Gratitude brings you back to your heart.
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