Does Lipstick Scare You?
In yoga, students are encouraged to go to their soft edge–to stretch deep enough where you feel the stretch but not so deep that you hurt yourself. It is at this soft edge that the muscles release and then you can breathe in and stretch just a little bit further.
In life, as we shift and change, we push up against a lot of soft edges. It is where our biggest growths happen.
This past week I gathered with my Mastermind-coaching circle. We are an intimate group of 14 women who are all upleveling our lives, our businesses, our dreams with our coach Christine Kane. It is an amazing opportunity to share and support each other as we stretch and push to get clearer and closer toward our biggest visions of ourselves.
There is an incredible amount of trust and vulnerability among us. I guess that’s why I felt comfortable enough during one of our dinners, to ask my friend Kathi,” so what kind of lipstick do you wear?”
It seemed like a pretty innocent question. But it led me to an edge I never thought I’d push against.
If you know me at all, you know that I don’t wear makeup. Or dresses, or panty hose, or even much jewelry. I will always choose comfort over style. Always.
But for several years, I’ve wanted to have a girlfriend go with me to the lipstick counter and help me pick a color. I’d like my lips to not get so lost on my face.
So I asked Kathi, “What kind of lipstick do you wear?”
“I don’t really like lipstick,” she said. “It’s too thick. I used to love Carmex, until I found out it had phenol in it.” I smiled in happy agreement. “But now I wear lip gloss,” she said. She told me how it makes her lips so shiny and the next thing I knew, she was telling me how simple and easy her makeup routine is.
“Just shake, tap, swirl and buff.” She circled an imaginary makeup brush quickly around her face. “That’s it. Less than 5 minutes. And it doesn’t even look like I have makeup on,” she said.
It’s true. Her face looks natural, simple, and not at all “made-up.”
And then she offered to show me on my own face.
My first reaction was NO WAY! I DON”T WEAR MAKEUP!!!! I was only MAYBE thinking about some kind of lipstick.
But then I stepped back from my reaction. And in that moment of detachment, I felt a strong wanting to say YES! YES! This is something that leads me to my bigger vision of myself.
“I don’t want to look like I have makeup on.” I finally said.
“Oh no,” she assured me, “It’ll just make you glow. And feel pretty.”
When I showed up at her hotel room the next evening, she had her powders and brushes lined up on the bathroom counter. I thought I would feel anxious, hesitant, maybe even want to change my mind. But I was relaxed, open, ready.
That’s what happens when I say YES!
Yes is accepting. Yes is moving through the uncomfortableness. Yes is stepping toward that bigger vision of myself.
So I tapped and swirled and buffed, quickly moving the brush around my face. I painted over the areas where I needed a little more cover. I brushed another product where the sun kisses my face. I curled my eyelashes and thickened them with mascara.
It wasn’t about covering my face with layers of fakeness. It was all about evening out my skin tone, covering the the spider veins around my nose, the blotchiness in my chin so that you focused, instead, on the light of my eyes.
“OK, now which lip gloss?” She handed me a subtle peachy gloss.
I painted it on, then looked in the mirror. “Oh no, way too obvious,” I said. All I could see was my peachy, shiny lips.
She pulled out her other choice, a deeper purplish red, and dabbed a little on my peach lips. “Oh God, now I feel like I have a big clown mouth!” I said, looking in the mirror.
“I know how you feel,” she assured me, “but really, it looks good.”
I looked at her, looked at myself and decided to trust. It was only lipstick.
When we joined the rest of the gals for dinner, I didn’t want them all to “know,” to be pointing at me, making a fuss. But they did. And I liked hearing that I looked fabulous, that I popped, that I was pretty.
I wondered if they were just saying those things because they knew ahead of time that I’d be wearing makeup. I wondered if they would have even noticed if no one had told them.
But then I realized it didn’t matter. I did it for me, not for them.
I did it to try something that I’ve always been adamantly NEVER going to do. I did it to push myself beyond my own limitations. I did it to move toward that bigger self I envision, who stands in front of large groups of people, who will NEED to wear makeup so that my features don’t get washed out in the bright lights.
I did it because it is time to start saying YES!
[ssba]Celebrating Our Personal Freedom Fighters
Today is Memorial Day in the US, a day we honor and remember those who have died in active military service.
Maybe you know someone who gave their life fighting for our country. Maybe you know someone who is currently serving in our military.
Today is a day to acknowledge, not only those who have fought for our national freedom, but also for our personal freedoms.
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As a kid, I marched in the local Memorial Day parades–one year as a beginning baton twirler, one year as a girl scout, and years later, with my alto sax in my high school marching band. We played patriotic songs and there was a lot of flag waving.
But I never knew anyone in the military.
But I did know people who had died. So I began to think of Memorial Day as a day to remember all kinds of people who were special to me.
Lately, I’ve been thinking how so many people in our lives fight for our freedom. Our parents, our teachers, our best friend on the playground–each one takes a stand for us, for our right to be our authentic selves.
Today is a great day to remember that special teacher, the kind neighbor, that helpful employer who encouraged you to believe in yourself, to claim your own personal power, to step into your shining light of freedom of expression.
Here are a few ways to honor those special heroes in your life:
- Write them a letter of thanks, even if you don’t send it
- Take a few moments and remember their face, their voice, maybe even something they said to you that you still hear in your head
- Tell a friend a story about this person
- Click below to add a comment and post their name and why you remember them
A Million Dollars…What Are You Waiting For?
How many times have you thought, if only I could win the lottery…if only I were rich…oh, how my life would be different…
Really?
If you had a million dollars, what would you do?
Quit your job?
Then what?
Lie on the beach all day?
Then what?
Go on a cruise?
Then what?
Give money to your favorite charity?
Then what?
Buy some cars, a new house?
Then what?
Most people, when asked to really think about this, realize that the thing they would REALLY want to do is something close to their heart, that makes them feel excited and joyful and part of something bigger than themselves.
Do you really need to wait until you have a cazillion dollars to begin pursuing this thing that sparks your heart?
What IS this thing thing that you wish you could do, if only…..?
And what is stopping you from doing it now?
Can you donate a LITTLE bit to your favorite charity NOW?
Or start saving for a 3-day mini-cruise?
Or find a coach who can guide you toward a more fulfilling career?
Life is NOW not WHEN!
Really!
Moms, Casinos and the Power of Positive Thinking
Today is my mom’s 80th birthday and we are at a local casino, celebrating at the slot machines.
By the title of this blog, you might think that she hit the big one and is now a Mega Winner.
She is, but not in the typical terms of a casino.
Eight years ago, my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Most people diagnosed with stage three of this horrific disease die within three years.
My mother underwent chemo and radiation and, while she has lasting side effects from the treatments that make breathing more challenging, she was declared cancer free.
She incorporated more fruits and vegetables into her diet, proclaiming she was learning to “eat the rainbow.” She started letting go of the little things that aggravated her. She focused on the people and activities that bring her pleasure and joy.
She joined a writing group at the senior center. She began clearing the clutter of papers and photographs. And we resumed our weekly Scrabble games, this time joined by my father.
In 2007, five years cancer-free, we celebrated her miraculous health at the Ritz-Carlton with a delicious dessert spread, her plate inscribed in chocolate letters, Happy Living. The waitress was moved to tears when we told her what we were celebrating “I never heard of someone celebrating life like this. It’s wonderful.”
Two years later, the cancer returned, though still localized in the esophagus. Chemo was no longer an option, so they radioactively burned the areas with endoscopic treatments. The procedures were uncomfortable and left my mom with a sore throat for a few days, but she was a trooper and the regular treatments kept the cancer contained and slow-growing.
Her doctors call her remarkable. I call her amazing. Not just because she’s my mother, but because she continues to try new things, shift her thinking and maintain a healthy vision of herself.
This past year, a routine PET scan revealed some new hot spots outside of the esophagus. My mother underwent two rounds of chemo and the spots got smaller. So she endured two more rounds of chemo and side effects. She is scheduled for another scan this month to get a current assessment.
My mother attributes her longevity to her doctors, the support of others and to the positive attitudes surrounding her.
I truly believe that her attitude is the number one reason why she is still here.
Well known self-help, self-love advocate Louise Hay believes that our thoughts have everything to do with our dis-ease and health. Her ground-breaking book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE tells how she was diagnosed with cancer and how she cured herself with positive affirmations, visualization, nutritional cleansing and psychotherapy. She offers simple positive statements to readers to shift their thoughts about their own dis-eases. I have shared some of these affirmations with my mother and she says them, regularly.
Whether you believe it or not, isn’t it worth a try?
I invite you to look in Louise’s book for some healing affirmations for a dis-ease you may be experiencing. Say the words everyday, even if you don’t believe it will make a difference. Who knows. Maybe, just maybe, by shifting your focus to something positive, you will actually begin to feel a little better.
And maybe, if we invoke some of that positive thinking at the casino, we’ll come out big winners at the slots, too!
[ssba]Action Comes Before Inspiration
We can plan and dream in our heads but we must be present in our bodies to take action, to move forward in our lives.
A lot of people think they can’t DO something until they are inspired. They think if they wait, inspiration will come and THEN they will do that great thing they thought of.
The truth is, action comes before inspiration.
In yoga, students are encouraged to find their soft edge, to stretch deep enough where you feel the stretch but do not feel pain. It is at this edge where the muscles release and then you can breathe in and stretch just a little bit further.
Moving BEYOND what is comfortable and safe is where real growth can happen.
So when was the last time you did something a little outside of your comfort zone?
It could be something that you’ve always wanted to do but were a little too scared, or something you never considered doing by yourself.
Maybe it’s going a movie by yourself, or taking yourself out for a lovely meal. Maybe you’ve always wanted to sign up for a class but didn’t want to do it alone.
I invite you to do something this week that challenges you. Maybe you’ll go on a solo road trip. Maybe you’ll get a massage. Maybe you’ll choose something you’ve wanted to do for a long time but just haven’t.
Choose something that takes you to your soft edge, that stretches you just to the other side of discomfort. It shouldn’t scare you, terrify you or put you in danger.
Ideally it will be something that, once you are doing it and looking back on it, you will feel an amazing sense of pride and accomplishment that, hey, I DID THAT!!
So get out and DO something!
Move out of your head and into your body and allow the space for inspiration to come.
Have a wonderful adventure!
[ssba]Grateful = Great + Full
Gratitude is the single easiest way to shift your life.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failure into success, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~Melodie Beattie
The universe is a magnet–if you are stuck in the woe-is-me and the worry of things, the universe will offer you more opportunities for woe and worry.
If you focus on the spaces where you feel joy and peace, you will experience more joy and peace.
The easiest way to do this is by being grateful for what is. Even the small things, especially the small things….
TRY THIS SIMPLE EXERCISE: BEING GRATEFUL (GREAT-FULL)
Every day, write a list of five things you are grateful for. Things that make you feel great and full.
They can be small things
big things
things that make you smile.
They can be people
places
synchronistic opportunities.
Try to write five new things each day
You do not need a special gratitude journal or thankfulness notebook. You can write on a restaurant napkin or the back of your grocery list. You can throw the pages out at the end of the week.
It’s not about WHERE you write them, but THAT you write them.
And if you write your list at the same time every day, it will become a habit.
Share your list with your friends. Invite them to write their own thank you notes to the universe.
GRATITUDE is a gift of the present moment. Gratitude shifts your focus immediately from what you don’t have, what you’ve lost, what isn’t and cannot be, to what is.
Gratitude brings you back to your heart.
[ssba]From Fallow Fields to Flower Fields: Part 2
A few weeks ago, I wrote about letting go and having faith that something new will grow.
This week I realized that letting go is also about mindsets. Letting go of a desired outcome, letting go of the one way, the only way I see something working out.
This week I learned that, when I am able to release my strong hold on a particular scenario, space opens up for new possibilities, new ideas, new ways to achieve the desired outcome.
Imagine you are walking on a lovely path and suddenly, your route is blocked by a giant, fallen tree. You might get so focused on how the tree has blocked your path that you are unable to consider any other options. But if you would just step back from the tree, you might see a secondary path right there, waiting for you.
That’s what happened to me.
I was so disappointed that I didn’t have the money to keep working with my coach that I got stuck in that mindset. When I finally let go of the possibility of working with her, some kind of space opened up. It suddenly became clear that I didn’t have to risk it all myself, I could ask for financial help.
My parents are so happy to support my success and they loaned me the money. And I am, again, working an amazing coach who is calling me to live bigger in every aspect of my life.
Why didn’t I ask from the beginning?
Because the thought never even occurred to me. I was too focused on the fact that I, by myself, had to pay for it and I didn’t have the money.
So what are you so focused on that has you stuck?
How can you step back, let go and open to another possibility?
[ssba]Un-Limiting Your Beliefs
Imagine what might be possible if you open yourself to a new thought
When I was in my 20’s I imagined that I would be the next Great American Writer. I sat at my portable electric Royal typewriter every day, inventing stories about people, documenting my observations, journaling ideas for my first great novel.
One afternoon a friend said to me, “Why do you bother? There are no new ideas. Everything’s already been said.”
Now, she was an important person in my life, and very smart–– her IQ was high enough to join the Mensa Society–– and so I believed her.
And I stopped writing.
Twenty years later I took a deep breath and signed up for a creative writing class with an amazing teacher who encouraged my writing, challenged my skills and inspired me to write deeper and better.
One day in class she said, “There are no new ideas.”
My heart sank to my knees. No, not again. And then she finished her sentence.
“And so it’s your job as a writer to come up with new ways to say things so that people can see it fresh. New.”
There was such freedom in hearing a new twist on a belief that had limited me for so long.
Her words gave me the permission to pursue this thing that I love so much. More important, I believed in my writing again.
What beliefs do you have that may be holding you back?
Do you think only “artists” are creative?
Do you think that you can’t apply for that dream job because you don’t have the right degree?
Do you think only selfish people can be wealthy?
These kinds of limiting beliefs often hold us back from tapping into that wondrous place of passion and creation inside of us.
An exercise, if you’re willing:
Choose a belief that you currently have that you would like to change. On a blank piece of paper, write the complete message.
In what ways does this belief affect your behavior?
Who in your life supports this belief?
How does your role in your workplace/relationships support this belief?
Now think about a new, healthier message that you would like to have that would replace the old message. Write that new message on a clean piece of paper.
In what ways would this new message affect your behavior?
Who in your life would support this new message and how would they do that?
How would your work place/relationships support this new message?
How would your personal and professional behavior (including decisions) reflect this revised message?
What is the first step you will take to embrace this new message?
[ssba]Monday’s Question of the Day
What do you know today that you did not know this same time last year?
Please share your comments below!
[ssba]From Fallow Fields to Flower Fields: Letting Go with Faith
This letting go business is tough.
When we let go of something, how do we know something better will come? What happens if it’s gone forever?
Whenever I start to doubt, I turn to Nature for assurance. Nature seems to be a wonderful reflection for us humans.
In Carlsbad, California there is a place called The Flower Fields where they grow acres and acres of ranunculus. From March through May, the fields are full with every color of flower: red, orange, yellow, white, pink, even purple, as far as you can see.
But after the season, the farm workers harvest the seeds from the crop and plow the fields down. They fumigate all the beds to be sure to kill everything. And they let the soil rest.
Through the winter the fields are empty, colorless, waiting.
In early spring, new seeds are planted by hand, row after row, the workers trusting that the coming year’s crop will bloom as colorful and beautiful as the year before. While previous harvests strongly support the possibility, there is no guarantee.
But the flowers certainly wouldn’t grow if the farmers didn’t first clear the fields.
It’s the same with us.
We have to let go of the old to make space for the new. We need to sit in that space of fallow fields, allowing our own ground to rest before something new can grow.
For the past 6 months I’ve been working with an amazing coach. She has inspired me to really step into the bigger life I want to live. While I’d love to keep working with her, the programs she is offering this coming year don’t fit my needs.
And so I am letting go.
I’m a little sad, a little anxious about flying solo, but I’m hoping that I’ll find a new coach who will continue to push me, encourage me and speak my language. Still, this place of in-between is a little unsure and uncomfortable.
There is a strong, old tree in my backyard that blooms with amazing purple-blue spiked flowers in the spring. Throughout the summer, my yard is sprinkled with lilac petals and I feel like I am living in a watercolor painting.
Last week, the gardener came and cut the tree back. Way back. It’s thick trunks now stand like plain brown poles, not a hint of a flower or seed. And I worry that the gardener made a mistake, that he cut too much back. That it will stand like that forever, never blooming again.
And I wonder if I have made a mistake, letting go of one coach before I have found another.
But then I think about The Flower Fields and I remember to trust the ways of nature.
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