I recently had a massage with a new massage therapist. As she was working on my troubled right hip she said, “You do so much for others that you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”
“Oh no, that’s not me at all,” I said. “I’m very good at being selfish.”
I felt she was generalizing, assuming I was like so many women who are so busy caring for kids and partners, always doing and pleasing everyone else that they never make time for themselves.
I don’t have kids or a partner or a needing person in my life and so I didn’t see myself in that role of selfless caretaker/caregiver.
But the next day, as I was driving to a client, I felt the opened space between my shoulder blades and less pain in my hip and I remembered the massage therapist’s comment.
And I realized she was right.
I spend the majority of my time working. Whether it’s actually sitting with a client, teaching them something about their Mac, or coaching a group or writing a blog post, much of my time is devoted to activities that benefit others. Sure, I get a LOT of rewards and blessings from my work. But this is not the same as taking care of ME.
When you’re a self-employed entrepreneur, there is always some work that can be done. And so it’s so easier for me to stay busy with work than to make time and space for other things that also bring me joy. Like taking the dogs to the river. And camping. And reading. And writing. And lunching with friends.
And my body is begging me to take better care of ME.
And so I am ready to create some new boundaries with my work. If I want to work in the evening, then I will block out time mid-day for a romp with the dogs. If I schedule a client or a workshop on a Saturday, I will take a day off during the week to have lunch with a friend. And, starting today, I am creating a regular writing practice for my own writing that has nothing to do with Mac Tips and Heart Sparks.
My body needs this. My spirit needs this. My heart needs this. And I know that, the more space I give myself for these non-work activities, the more I will bring back into my work and offer to others. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
So, do YOU do so much for others that you haven’t been taking care of yourself?
What does self-care look like in YOUR life?
How can you bring more balance for yourself?
How can you give more to YOU so that you have more to share with others?
I’d love to hear your revelations! Please share by clicking on the Comments below
Hi Ruth,
I totally see this! And I’m a mom of two, have a day-job and try to set up my own non-profit. So busy is my second name. I do take time for hairdresser, massages, reading etc. But you are right, I consider organising a retreat my retreat instead of taking one, selfishly for myself that has nothing to do with the one I give…
So, here’s to us, taking care of myself.
Btw, I have bought and installed the things you suggested and will soon make appointment for MAC call 🙂 After I have taken care of myself 🙂
M
Miranda, I’m so glad this shed light for you for your own self-care. We can never do enough for ourselves if we want to keep doing for others! BOOK THAT RETREAT! And I’ll look forward to your call for Mac help!
So true, Ruth! Doing what I love and loving what I do for more than 30 years, I still need to stop and remember to include unrelated fun and self care. Last week I participates in an evening of Irish dance with friends at the Irish Cultural Center. It was so energizing – laughter and exercise combined. Every 4-6 weeks I treat myself to a mani/pedi. I make sure to schedule the next appointment before leaving the salon! For 12 years, I had a massage every week. Since my massage therapist moved away, I do it less but massage continues to be one of my favorite self care practices. And I must include Greatness Circle, a twice weekly practice of meeting with friends to talk, listen and connect. This practice has taught me that openness and vulnerability are strengths and has definitely encouraged authenticity. Thanks for this opportunity, Ruth. You’ve caused me to think of all the good stuff I do for me. Soon the pool will be warm enough to be out there first thing every morning. For now, early morning walks are my way to start the day.
WOW! This is a wonderful list of self-care, Kathie! Would you believe I’ve NEVER had a mani/pedi???
I certainly see myself in this scenario. I work full time and then fill a lot of my time with volunteer work and doing things for others. The volunteer work and helping others makes me feel good. I feel happy because of sharing myself and time. But, feeling good that way is not the same thing as taking care of myself. I realize that but still don’t take the time for me. Sounds cliche but there just are not enough hrs in the day. When I do have some time that could be used for self care, I tend to sit and zone out with the computer or tv. I have habits that need some work to change them. Thanks for your post on this. Gets me thinking!
Jean, thank you for sharing! Often we don’t think we’re worthy of tender care. Or that we have the right to block out time on the calendar for ourselves. But we HAVE to take care of ourselves so that we CAN freely and joyfully and lovingly give to others. And it’s a circle, so it’s not you first or them first, but a continuous cycle of other-care/self-care/other-care/self=care….