Like with any behavior, thought or pattern we’re trying to release, if we focus on it, it continues to manifest.
But if we shift our thought and attention to what is NEXT, even AND ESPECIALLY if we don’t know what that is, then that first thing loses energy, lessens its hold on us and it eventually releases.
For the last four weeks I’ve been in pain and for the last two, I’ve been writing about it. Because that’s how I needed to move through it. To get to know it, describe it, feel it with words. I needed to engage with it, be with it, learn from it.
And then, at some point, even though pain was still with me, I didn’t want to give it my full and undivided attention anymore. I was ready to release it.
I stopped using the word pain and now I simply notice the different “sensations” when I sit or stand or bend my legs. Sometimes it’s tingly, then more like thumbtacks poking, with fire. But just a small fire, and it goes out quickly, and it doesn’t spread.
When I sit for too long I feel a hard aching on my butt, but it no longer feels like someone’s drilling a hole back there. But the longer I sit, the wider and deeper the ache spreads and then it reverberates like electricity down my leg. But the intensity is much less and it doesn’t last long, especially if I can get on my back, on an ice pack and relieve the pressure on my spine.
On Monday I saw a “real” doctor at a spine and sports medicine practice. She confirmed that I probably have a herniated disk and that yes, 80% of patients get relief in 6-8 weeks without much intervention.
She prescribed neurontin for the nerve pain. We’ll see if it gives me more pain-free sitting time. I’m taking the rest of the week off of work to remove the stress of cancelling, rescheduling and feeling bad about it, and I’m devoting the time to healing.
I’ve been doing gentle hip opening and core building yoga stretches and have added heart openers and balancing poses to my practice.
Yes, I need to be aware of what hurts so I don’t overdo it, but I am ready to begin moving with this new freedom in my hip, to stretch deeper, to stay open to what’s next, even though I don’t know exactly what that is.
I do know what skills and gifts I want to share and with who. I know what I love to do most, and that I really do help people see themselves with eyes of love.
And so, during this week of healing, I’m focusing on what I love, what I’m grateful for, and how I want to feel in my life.
I’m asking myself questions like:
What do I really want?
What do I already have?
What’s in the way?
What’s the next first step I can take?
And I’m looking forward, eyes and hips and heart wide open.
Share your thought, your own What’s Next! by clicking the comments below!