I’ve been struggling these past few weeks, not knowing if I should stay in Arizona longer or head back to the beach. Unlike previous returns to CA, this time I didn’t have a clear reason for going back, besides the fact that it’s the beach and I can walk and breathe and I love the climate.
But I had lots of reasons to stay – to help Marika oversee the big front lawn landscaping project, to enjoy the company of friends, to make art in my studio in the garage and enjoy TV and high speed internet.
And so I was torn.
Because I thought that NOT going back to the beach meant I had failed somehow.
I floundered in those feelings of failure and loss and not knowing until finally, I called my coach. She helped me recognize that I was beating myself up and that whatever I chose would be the right choice.
I spent the next few days after our coaching call editing the Heart Sparks book. Reading my own wisdoms about breathing and letting go, shifting from fear and anxiety to being curious about not knowing, all helped me let go of the struggle.
I changed my question from ‘where do I want to live’ to ‘how I want to feel’ in these next few months. And the first answer was, I want to feel loved.
Sure, I know Marika and my family and friends love me no matter where I am, but to be in their physical presence is different. And working with my clients in person makes me feel loved. And it makes me feel like my work matters, which is also at the top of the list. And this made the decision clear and easy.
So I’m staying in Arizona through October. And then I’m heading back to the beach to welcome the women who have said Yes to the Women, Wonder and Waves Retreat Nov 12-16. (Save $100 when you register before September 30)
I know I’m not the only one roaming in this space of not knowing, struggling with choices that aren’t clear, wishing for something that feels normal and right.
This is when the best next step is to return to the basics, to stop, to breathe and to ask new questions, and then, let go. And trust that, in this unsettled quiet, you will hear the truest answers.
This is what the upcoming retreat is about. Maybe you’d like to join us….