Two years ago this week I was pulling out of Marika’s driveway in the RV with Laddy, heading to the California coast.
The dream was to move to CA, find a house to rent, continue doing the same Mac training work and enjoy the climate and the weather as I built a new life. And maybe Marika would join me in a year or two.
A friend recently reminded me that dreams are fluid. They are not frozen in time exactly as we originally imagine them. Our dreams are always shifting, changing, seeking their own level, like water.
As you know, that original dream morphed and changed many times, and I discovered that I enjoyed the simpler, smaller, spontaneous life of living in my motorhome. I made trips back to Phoenix to visit family, clients, and adventure with Marika.
Somewhere in those adventures, we rekindled our deep love and, in January, we celebrated and recommitted to our 25 year partnership.
Which is why I’m still in Phoenix in the middle of a Very Hot Summer. Yes, it is partly because my back is still healing. But it’s also because, for the first time in many years, Marika and I are really enjoying living together and being a family. And together, we are imagining a new dream. Instead of getting things in place for her to move to CA, we’re working towards traveling full-time in a slightly bigger RV in a few years.
That’s been my dream for a long time – to travel the country’s back roads, explore small towns, meet people. But I didn’t want to do it alone. Rather, I wanted to do it with Marika. But she wasn’t ready and I was tired of waiting.
I had to let go of that dream in order to forge forward with my own dream. And now, what a complete surprise that this old dream is new again.
As for my back, I’m about 90% there. I’m doing more of everything: I’m in the pool three times a day, playing many rounds of kickball with Mabel, I’m driving, shopping, sitting with clients. I even rode my bike last week for fifteen minutes. I loved it, but I was pretty sore afterwards. Some of that was from pedaling with my hardly-used-in-five-months muscles. But there was also a deeper achiness that didn’t feel very good.
So I laid down on some ice and most of it subsided. Still, I get sore after a lot of activity and, if I don’t rest, it turns into stabs and sharpness, and then it takes longer to feel better.
I am learning to stop sooner, finding yet another place in my life to explore the balance between not enough and too much.
I saw the surgeon last week, just to complete the Western Medicine Plan of Patient Care, and he said the disks are still stacked on top of each other and that it’s going to take more time to get back to 100%.
Which I already knew.
He said I should be ecstatic that I am feeling 90% and he advised me to continue to take it easy in my body—no lifting, no twisting, no bending. No exercising beyond walking and swimming in the pool. Which means holding off on biking and only doing very gentle stretches when I am on my yoga mat. My energy healer-voodoo man reminds me to focus on my heart, to heal and strengthen from the heart and the rest of my body will find its place.
So that’s what I’m doing: getting strong in my body and keeping my heart open like a magnet, to attract people and energy and work that I love.
I’m planning to go back to the beach in mid-September, after my Dad’s 84th birthday and just in time to bring in the Jewish New Year.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be bringing Mabel with me. She’d have the joys of being a dog at the beach, Marika wouldn’t feel guilty leaving her alone during her long working days and, when Marika wanted to come visit us, she could just hop on a quick plane and be there in a couple of hours.
Meanwhile, I’m practicing awareness and gratitude, appreciating where I am and all that is.
And I’m seeing, once again, that we can never know how our dreams will manifest. But I’m believing more and more, that, when we let go of our tight hold on them, they are guaranteed to transform into something bigger even more amazing than we could have ever imagined.
Does this happen with your dreams and plans too? Please share with me and my readers by clicking on the comments below!
If you’d like to keep up with my adventures, and be the first to hear about workshops, retreats and special events, please subscribe to my free Heart Sparks, a weekly something to inspire your own true heart… just enter your info in the box up there near the top and right…. thanks!