Posted by on Jan 2, 2013 in open heart surgery | 4 comments

 

“Broken hearted often leads to broken open. And broken open is the perfect environment for finding out who you are and why you’re here. Break and grow.”
- Michele Woodward

The last time the moon was full, so was my heart. I had just met a new friend and the connection was electric. I hadn’t laughed so much or felt so alive in a really long time. And, as much as I tried to convince myself that it was just an exciting new friendship, my heart was beginning to tell me otherwise. And I thought hers was too.

Turns out she was not being completely honest with me and, when I found out she was interested in dating someone else, well, I was too all-in to just be friends. And so I had to let it go.

I felt betrayed. Taken advantage of. Even a little heart broken. I missed the hour-long phone conversations and the back and forth of daily emails. I missed laughing. I missed bouncing ideas off of each other and talking about painting and writing and new creative endeavors. I felt lonely all over again.

Often, when we experience this kind disappointment, like not getting the job we wanted, or the house we thought was perfect or grieving the one who got away, we focus on what we’ve lost.

But by shifting our thoughts to what we’ve gained from the experience, what new pathways may have been created, what we learned about ourselves, we can find some sweetness in the experience. We can find things to be grateful for.

First, I wrote myself the apology letter that she never sent. I needed to hear that she was sorry, that she took responsibility for misleading me, and that she would miss my insights, my thoughtfulness, our inspiring conversations. It mattered less that it was from her and more that a part of me just needed to hear it.

And each day, as I moved through the feelings of loss, I was able to shift my focus to what the brief encounter brought me. I remembered things I love. I remembered things I love about myself. I remembered how much fun I am. And I realized how ready I am to be in a relationship that makes me feel that alive.

So, thank you, Patty, for showing up in my life. If you hadn’t come along, I might still not know these things about myself. Thank you for awakening love in me, even if you couldn’t stay, even if you were more like a hit and run driver.

You broke my heart, open, and I thank you.

 

How do you find gratitude in a difficult situation? Please share by clicking on the comments below…

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